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By Forever Farrah Published 2026-09-17.
Why couples personalise their ceremony with custom vows and a friend as officiant, and how the legal rules for who can marry you differ from place to place.
Couples personalise their wedding ceremonies because they want the most important twenty minutes of the day to sound like them: vows they wrote, readings that mean something, and often a friend or relative standing in front of them instead of a stranger. The part nobody tells you is that who can legally marry you depends on where you marry. Some places let almost anyone officiate with a one-day authorisation, some require a court order, and at least one lets couples marry themselves. Check local rules first.
Personal doesn't have to mean new. Many couples keep traditional words and add a reading or a family ritual; the return of traditional wedding ceremonies looks at that side.
Rules on officiants are set by each state or country, and sometimes vary by county. A few US examples show how different they can be:
| State | What the rules allow | Source |
|---|---|---|
| Colorado | The couple may solemnize their own marriage; a friend may not unless otherwise authorized | [Colorado Department of Public Health and Environment](https://cdphe.colorado.gov/vital-records/other) |
| California | Some counties deputize a person for one day to perform a civil ceremony for a named couple | [Los Angeles County Registrar-Recorder/County Clerk](https://www.lavote.gov/home/county-clerk/marriage-licenses-ceremonies/ceremonies/deputy-commissioner-for-a-day-program) |
| Virginia | A person can petition a circuit court for authorization to perform a specific ceremony | [Fairfax Circuit Court](https://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/circuit/marriage/celebrant-information) |
These are examples, not a full list, and details such as fees and deadlines change, so check with the office that issues your marriage license. Los Angeles County notes its program applies only in California and that deputy programs vary by county. Virginia's authorization applies to a ceremony in Virginia under a Virginia license, and the court asks for time to process it before the wedding.
Online ordination is another route people use, but whether it's accepted varies by jurisdiction, and some places ask officiants to register first. Don't assume it works everywhere; ask the licensing office where you're marrying.
Outside the US the picture changes again. Many countries only recognise marriages performed by a civil registrar or an authorised religious celebrant, and some couples hold a legal ceremony at a registry office, then a personal ceremony led by a friend. If you're marrying abroad, our guides to getting married in Italy, Greece and Mexico cover the legal side.
Custom vows don't have to be long. A few tips:
If you're mixing traditions, ask each family whether any words or rituals matter to them before you write. Personal touches that explain a tradition help guests who haven't seen it before.
A personal ceremony can run longer than a standard one, especially with readings, music and rituals. Build that into your wedding day timeline, and let the venue know. For the bigger picture, nobody tells you this about wedding planning covers other things couples wish they'd known earlier.
Often, but it depends on where you marry. Some places allow a one-day authorisation or a court order, some accept certain ordinations, and some only allow authorized officials. Check with the office issuing your marriage license.
In Colorado, the state's vital records office says couples may solemnize their own marriage. Most places don't allow this, so check local law.
There's no rule. Agree on a similar length with your partner, and read them aloud beforehand so you know how long they take.
Usually not for the personal parts, but some jurisdictions require specific declarations for the marriage to be legal. Your officiant or licensing office can tell you what must be included.
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