Loading Forever Farrah…
A couple's guide to Jewish wedding traditions: choosing a date, the ketubah, chuppah, seven blessings and glass, and deciding which customs to keep.
A Jewish wedding centres on a signed marriage contract (the ketubah), a ceremony under a canopy (the chuppah), the exchange of a ring, seven blessings over wine and the breaking of a glass, often followed by a few private minutes for the couple (yichud) and a celebratory meal with the hora. As a couple, your main decisions are the date, your rabbi or officiant, the wording of the ketubah, and which optional customs to keep. Practice varies a lot between Orthodox, Conservative, Reform and other communities.
Jewish wedding traditions and the decisions they involve: Tisch / celebrating the couple, Family and friends gather with each partner for song and blessings, Whether to hold one, or two; Ketubah signing, The marriage contract is signed before witnesses, Text, artwork, who signs as witnesses; Bedeken, The veiling of the bride, Whether to include it, and in what form; Chuppah, The ceremony under a canopy, Canopy design, who holds the poles; Circling, One or both partners circle the other, Traditional, mutual, or not at all; Rings and blessings, Ring exchange and the sheva brachot (seven blessings), One ring or two, who reads the blessings; Breaking the glass, A glass is broken underfoot, Who breaks it; Yichud, Private time together after the ceremony, Where, and for how long; Seudat mitzvah and hora, The festive meal and circle dancing, Menu and music.
Traditional Jewish law rules out some dates. My Jewish Learning explains that weddings aren't held on Shabbat, and that traditional Jews avoid two periods of mourning: the Three Weeks between the 17th of Tammuz and the 9th of Av, in summer, and the weeks of counting the Omer between Passover and Shavuot, in spring, except for Lag Ba'Omer, which is a popular wedding date. Major festivals are also usually avoided. Communities differ on the details, and many liberal rabbis are more flexible, so agree the date with your rabbi before you book a venue. Chabad publishes a traditional view of approved dates.
The ketubah is the marriage contract. My Jewish Learning describes it as traditionally signed at the tisch before two witnesses. Decisions to make:
The chuppah, a canopy open on all sides, symbolises the new home the couple are creating. It can be a prayer shawl (tallit) on four poles or a floral structure. Asking four close friends or relatives to hold the poles is a meaningful way to honour people.
Many couples adapt traditions to fit their values. My Jewish Learning notes that modern weddings often include a mutual ring exchange and have both partners circle each other, or leave the circling out. Some couples both break a glass, or both sign an egalitarian ketubah. Same-sex couples adapt the rites in a similar way in liberal movements. If one partner isn't Jewish, talk to rabbis early, as policies on officiating differ; how to plan a multicultural wedding covers the wider planning.
After yichud, the party begins. The hora, where the couple are often lifted on chairs, is usually the first big dance, so warn your photographer and make sure the chairs are sturdy. Some couples who fasted on the wedding day, as is traditional, break the fast together during yichud.
Traditionally not on Shabbat or major festivals, and not during the Three Weeks in summer or most of the Omer period in spring (Lag Ba'Omer is the exception). Liberal communities may be more flexible, so confirm with your rabbi.
It depends on your rabbi and movement. In traditional practice, witnesses must meet specific requirements and close relatives usually can't serve, so ask before inviting anyone.
Traditionally the groom breaks it, but many couples today break a glass each or break one together.
A few minutes of private time for the couple straight after the ceremony, before they join the celebration.
Loading Forever Farrah…