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What the ketubah, chuppah, bedeken, circling, breaking the glass and the hora mean, plus what to wear and give as a guest at a Jewish wedding.
A Jewish wedding usually includes a signed marriage contract (the ketubah), a ceremony under a canopy (the chuppah), blessings over wine, and a glass broken underfoot, after which everyone shouts "mazel tov". Many weddings also include the veiling of the bride (bedeken), the bride circling the groom, a few private minutes for the couple (yichud) and energetic circle dancing (the hora). Which of these you see depends on the couple, their community and how observant they are, so treat this guide as a map, not a script.
At more traditional weddings the invitation may show two times. According to My Jewish Learning's guide for guests, the first is usually the kabbalat panim (the reception before the ceremony, when guests greet the couple) and the second is when the ceremony itself starts. Arriving for the first time lets you see the bedeken and the ketubah signing, which are often among the most moving parts of the day. If there is only one time, arrive a little early as you would for any wedding.
Jewish wedding terms at a glance: Ketubah, The marriage contract, signed by witnesses, Before the ceremony; Bedeken, The groom lowers the bride's veil, Before the ceremony; Chuppah, The canopy the couple stands under, The ceremony; Circling, The bride walks around the groom, often seven times, Start of the ceremony; Breaking the glass, A wrapped glass is stepped on, End of the ceremony, in many communities; Yichud, A few private minutes for the couple, Straight after the ceremony; Hora, Circle dancing, often with the couple lifted on chairs, The reception.
Jewish practice varies widely, and the same word can describe quite different weddings. As a broad guide:
Dress for the formality on the invitation, then add modesty if the wedding is traditional. My Jewish Learning suggests that at traditional weddings women wear skirts or dresses that fall below the knee, with shoulders and elbows covered. At Reform weddings, ordinary wedding guest clothing is normally fine. If you're unsure what the dress code wording means, see what black tie means at a wedding.
Cash, a cheque or something from the couple's registry are all normal. A common Jewish custom is to give amounts in multiples of 18. Reform Judaism explains that 18 is the numerical value of chai, the Hebrew word for "life", so a gift of 18, 36, 54 or 180 carries a small wish for a good life. It's a nice touch, not a rule.
Put your phone away during the ceremony unless the couple has said otherwise. Follow the room. Stand when others stand, sing if you know the tune, and don't worry if you don't. Shout "mazel tov" when the glass breaks. That one's easy. Be patient after the ceremony. Yichud and photos mean the couple joins the party a little later. Congratulate the families too, not only the couple.
It's customary for men to cover their heads during the ceremony, and non-Jewish guests are welcome to wear a kippah as a sign of respect. They're usually provided at the entrance.
In many communities the breaking of the glass marks the end of the ceremony, and "mazel tov" means congratulations. It's the moment the celebration starts.
Give what you would for any wedding you attend. Many people choose an amount in a multiple of 18, because 18 represents chai, meaning "life", but it's a custom, not an expectation.
Only at some weddings, mainly Orthodox ones. At most Reform and many Conservative weddings everyone sits and dances together.
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