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By Forever Farrah Published 2026-09-17.
The real cost of being a bridesmaid, the time it takes, what etiquette says you pay for, and how to say no kindly if you can't afford it or can't commit.
Being a bridesmaid costs more money and time than most people expect, and it's normal to find that hard. A LendingTree survey found bridal party members spent an average of $825, and many went into debt to do it. Etiquette says bridesmaids pay for their outfit and travel, while the couple covers lodging and bouquets, but in practice pre-wedding events and trips add up fast. It's fine to ask about costs before you agree, and it's fine to say no.
In a 2022 LendingTree survey, reported by CNBC, bridesmaids and groomsmen spent an average of $825 to be in a wedding party, covering attire, pre-wedding events and the wedding itself. Costs vary a lot by where you live, how far you travel and how many events there are.
LendingTree's 2023 survey of 1,995 US consumers found that 62% of bridal party members had taken on debt to cover wedding costs, including 56% of bridesmaids. The same survey found 27% had said no to a bridal party role.
Its 2024 survey of 2,025 US consumers found that among people who went into debt, the top costs were travel, accommodation and outfits, and 74% said pre-wedding events contributed.
The Emily Post Institute sets out the traditional split. Customs vary between families and cultures, and today many couples cover more.
| Usually paid by the bridesmaid | Usually paid by the couple or their families |
|---|---|
| Dress, shoes and accessories, including alterations | Bridesmaids' accommodation |
| Travel to and from the wedding | Bouquets and flowers |
| A contribution to a gift for the couple | The wedding itself |
| A shower or bachelorette party, if you choose to host |
Hair and makeup aren't on either side of that list, so ask. If the couple wants a professional look, many now pay for it or say plainly that it's optional.
The wedding day is the smallest part. Depending on the couple, you may be asked to help plan a shower or bachelorette party, attend dress fittings, travel for a hen or stag weekend, help with DIY projects, come to a rehearsal and dinner, and arrive early on the day for hair, makeup and photos.
None of that is written anywhere as a requirement. Duties vary by couple and by culture. Ask early what the couple is expecting, and how many events there will be.
Asking isn't rude. The couple would rather know now than have you drop out later.
In LendingTree's 2023 survey, 11% of respondents said turning down a bridal party role hurt a relationship. Say no early, warmly and simply. You don't owe a full breakdown of your finances.
"I'm so honoured you asked, and I love you. I can't take on the costs this year, but I'll be there cheering, and I'd love to help in other ways."
Offer something you can do: a reading, helping on the morning, or being a guest who shows up with a card. If you're already committed and costs are growing, it's fair to say you'll skip the trip but still be there for the wedding.
Once you've agreed, set your own limit and tell the maid of honour or organiser early, before plans are booked. It's much easier to shape a bachelorette weekend at the planning stage than to back out of a paid-for villa.
If you're the maid of honour, remember that others in the group may have tighter budgets than you. Offering a choice of events, some free, lets everyone take part without being singled out.
Tell your bridesmaids the likely costs when you ask, not after. Choose a dress in a range of prices or let people wear their own, keep the bachelorette local, and make it clear which events are optional. How to choose bridesmaids covers the asking, and nobody tells you this about wedding planning covers the rest.
A LendingTree survey put the average spend for a wedding party member at $825 in 2022. Travel, outfits and pre-wedding trips drive most of it, so your cost depends heavily on the wedding.
Traditionally no. Emily Post lists attire as the bridesmaid's cost. Some couples now pay for all or part of it.
No. Saying no early and kindly is better than agreeing and struggling. LendingTree found 27% of people had turned down a bridal party role.
Traditionally, no. Emily Post lists attendants' accommodation as a cost for the bride's family, but many modern weddings split this differently, so ask.
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