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The main Chinese wedding traditions explained, from choosing a lucky date and wearing red to door games, the tea ceremony and the multi-course banquet.
Chinese weddings centre on family, luck and food. Couples often choose an auspicious date, decorate in red with the double happiness character, and in many families the groom must pass playful door games set by the bridesmaids before he can collect the bride. The couple then serve tea to parents and elders in a tea ceremony, and the day ends with a multi-course banquet where guests give red envelopes of money. Customs vary by region, dialect group and family, in China and across the diaspora.
Chinese wedding traditions and their meaning: Choosing an auspicious date, Months ahead, Starting married life with good fortune; Betrothal gifts, Before the wedding, The groom's family honours the bride's family; Red and double happiness, Throughout, Joy, luck and a couple's shared happiness; Door games, Wedding morning, The groom proves his devotion; friends have fun; Tea ceremony, Wedding day, Respect for parents and elders; welcome into the family; Banquet, Evening, Celebration and thanks to guests; Red envelopes, At the banquet, Gift money and blessings; Return visit, A few days later, The bride returns to visit her own family.
Classical Chinese marriage followed the "three letters and six rites", described in the entry on Chinese marriage: the proposal, matching the couple's birth dates, betrothal gifts, wedding gifts, choosing the date, and collecting the bride. Few couples follow all six today, but echoes survive in betrothal gifts, date choosing and the wedding morning procession. The pre-wedding stages are covered in more detail in Chinese pre-wedding customs.
Red is the colour of happiness and good fortune in Chinese culture, and traditionally the bride wore red. Today many brides wear a white gown for part of the day and a red qipao or embroidered qun gua for the tea ceremony or banquet. Decorations often feature the double happiness character) (囍), two copies of the character for joy side by side. Guests are generally advised not to wear red themselves, so as not to compete with the bride, as the South China Morning Post notes. For the Western side of that question, see can you wear red to a wedding.
Many families consult the Chinese almanac or a fortune teller to pick a lucky date based on the couple's birth details. The South China Morning Post reports that the third, seventh and ninth lunar months are widely considered unlucky because of festivals associated with the dead. Numbers matter too: eight sounds like the word for prosperity in Chinese, which is why dates containing eights are popular.
On the morning of the wedding, the groom and his groomsmen travel to the bride's home to collect her. The bridesmaids block the door and set door games: riddles, embarrassing challenges, tasting sour or bitter foods, and demands for red envelopes before they let him in. The games show the groom's determination and are meant to be good fun, not an ordeal. Talk to both sides beforehand about limits.
The tea ceremony is the most widely kept tradition. The couple kneel or bow and serve tea to their parents, grandparents and other elders in order of seniority. Each elder drinks, offers blessings, and usually gives the couple a red envelope or jewellery. Traditionally the tea ceremony welcomed the bride into the groom's family; many couples now hold one for each family. What happens at a Chinese tea ceremony walks through it step by step.
The evening banquet is often the biggest part of the day, and the Chinese marriage entry notes it was sometimes considered more important than the ceremony itself. It is usually a long multi-course meal at round tables, with dishes chosen for their lucky names or symbolism, such as a whole fish for abundance and noodles for long life. The couple go from table to table to toast guests, and the groom's family traditionally hosts. What food is served at weddings around the world compares banquets elsewhere.
Guests give money in a red envelope (hongbao, or lai see in Cantonese), usually handed in at a reception table as they arrive. Amounts depend on your relationship with the couple and local norms; even amounts are generally preferred, and numbers containing four are avoided because four sounds like the word for death. For gift customs elsewhere, see who gives gifts at weddings around the world.
Many couples hold a tea ceremony in the morning, a Western-style ceremony in the afternoon and a Chinese banquet at night. With so many round tables and seniority rules, the seating chart is often the hardest job; Forever Farrah's seating chart lets you set up round tables and move guests around until the families are happy.
Red symbolises happiness and good fortune in Chinese culture. Many brides now wear red for the tea ceremony or banquet and white for a Western-style ceremony.
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