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Wedding gifts compared across cultures: bridewealth, dowry and mahr between families, cash envelopes from guests, registries and return gifts.
Wedding gifts flow in several directions. Guests give the couple presents or money nearly everywhere: registry items in much of the West, cash in red envelopes at Chinese weddings, cash in a decorated envelope in Japan. Between families, the main exchange is often bridewealth from the groom's side to the bride's, dowry from the bride's side to the groom's, or, in Islamic marriage, a mahr from the groom to the bride. In some cultures, the couple also gives gifts back to guests.
Who gives what, by tradition: US and UK, The groom traditionally buys the rings, Registry gifts or money; Chinese, Betrothal gifts from the groom's side; dowry from the bride's, Money in red envelopes; Japanese, Varies, Cash in a shūgi-bukuro; couples give return gifts; Many African cultures, Bridewealth from the groom's family to the bride's, Varies by community; Islamic marriage, Mahr from the groom, which belongs to the bride, Varies by country; India, Dowry is illegal under national law, Cash and gifts are common.
Bridewealth. Britannica defines bridewealth as a payment from the groom or his kin to the bride's kin to ratify the marriage. It is most highly developed in Africa, and it's about relationships as much as money: it consolidates friendly relations between the families and is a pledge that the bride will be treated well. It is often one part of a two-way exchange that also includes a dowry. African wedding traditions and Nigerian wedding traditions have more.
Registries. In the US and UK, many couples set up a gift registry so guests can pick items the couple actually wants. Many now include cash or honeymoon funds too.
Gifts don't only go to the couple. In Japan, Nippon.com notes a custom of giving return gifts worth a share of what was received. In many Western weddings, the couple gives favours to guests and gifts to parents and the wedding party. And across cultures, a written thank-you remains the one gift every couple owes. Wedding guest etiquette around the world covers what's expected of guests more broadly.
Tell guests what's customary. In a multicultural wedding, half your guests may expect a registry and half may bring envelopes. A line on your wedding website saves everyone the worry. How to create a wedding website shows what to include. Plan for cash. If envelopes are likely, have a secure box and one trusted person to look after it. Keep a record. Note who gave what as you go. It makes thank-you notes much easier, and in cultures where gifts are reciprocated later, the record matters. A guest list in Forever Farrah, with every guest's RSVP, is a handy base for that record. Don't ask for a specific amount. Across most cultures, naming a figure is seen as rude, even where cash is expected.
Not in most cultures. In Chinese and Japanese weddings, cash is the expected gift, and many Western couples now welcome money. Follow the couple's lead or their wedding website.
A dowry goes from the bride's family to the groom's side. A bride price, or bridewealth, goes from the groom's side to the bride's family. Some traditions have both.
Nippon.com gives a general range of ¥5,000 to ¥30,000 depending on your relationship, in an odd-numbered amount and preferably new notes.
Often, yes. Japanese couples commonly give return gifts, and many Western couples give favours to guests and thank-you gifts to parents and the wedding party.
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