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How to handle difficult wedding guests before and on the day, from uninvited plus-ones and missing RSVPs to feuding relatives and guests who drink too much.
Most difficult-guest problems are solved before the wedding: clear invitations, firm but kind replies to requests, and a plan for the known troublemakers. On the day, the couple shouldn't be the ones handling it. Choose one or two calm people, such as a planner, venue coordinator, sibling or close friend, to step in quietly, and brief them in advance. Treat anyone who behaves badly politely and briefly, and save any bigger conversation for after the wedding.
The Emily Post Institute is clear that wedding invitations are not negotiations: the names on the envelope are the guests. Its suggested reply to someone asking for a plus-one is to explain that the venue's size won't allow extra people. Hold the line, because each exception is unfair to guests who respected it.
Common wedding-day problems and who handles them: Uninvited guest arrives, Planner or venue coordinator, Quietly find a seat and meal if possible; Guest has had too much to drink, Designated friend, then bar staff, Water, food, a walk outside, a ride home; Guest arguing with another guest, Designated friend or family member, Separate them, take one person aside; Unplanned speech or grabbed microphone, DJ or MC, Wrap up politely and move to the next item; Guest upset about their seat, Planner or a relative, Listen briefly, offer a nearby alternative if easy; Guest on their phone during the ceremony, Officiant or usher, before it starts, A reminder announcement.
Almost nothing. Your job on the day is to be present. If someone brings a problem to you, say, "Thank you for telling me. Can you let [name] know?" and point them to your designated helper. A short list of who to call for what, kept by your planner or maid of honour, saves you from being pulled away. Add it to your wedding day emergency kit notes.
Let your planner or caterer find them a seat and a meal if possible, and welcome them politely. Deal with the reasons afterwards, not at the reception.
Name only invited guests on the envelope, and if someone asks, explain kindly that the venue can only fit the people on your list. Don't make exceptions.
A designated friend or family member, working with bar staff and your venue. Water, food and a quiet walk outside come first, then a ride home if needed.
Put them at separate tables with no direct line of sight, keep them out of the same photo groups, and tell each of them the plan in advance.
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