Loading Forever Farrah…
By Forever Farrah Published 2026-09-17.
How much goshugi to give at a Japanese wedding, how to prepare the envelope, what to wear, what hikidemono is, and the words and habits guests avoid.
At a Japanese wedding, guests usually give cash (goshugi) rather than a registry gift: an odd-numbered amount in brand-new notes, inside a special envelope called a shugi-bukuro, handed over at the reception desk. Wear formal clothes that avoid white and all-black, arrive on time, avoid words about parting or ending in speeches and cards, and expect to take home a thank-you gift called hikidemono. Customs vary by region and family, so if you're unsure, ask the person who invited you.
A Japanese wedding is often two events. The ceremony itself is usually small, and the reception (hiroen or hirōen) is where most guests come in. According to Nippon.com's guide to Japanese weddings, the ceremony is typically for family and close friends, while friends, acquaintances and colleagues are invited to a banquet that runs two or three hours. Many couples also hold a more casual after-party for friends, the nijikai, later in the evening.
Your invitation will tell you which parts you're invited to. Don't assume you're expected at the ceremony if it only mentions the reception.
Two ceremony styles are common today, and knowing which you're attending helps you understand what's happening.
Chapel weddings borrow the form of a Christian church wedding: a white dress, an aisle, a hymn, often an officiant in robes. Nippon.com notes that chapel-style weddings became popular after the Second World War and are now the most common style, whether or not the couple is Christian.
Shinto weddings (shinzen-shiki) take place at a shrine or a shrine room in a hotel, led by a Shinto priest. The bride often wears a white kimono. The centrepiece is san-san-kudo, the couple's ritual sharing of sake in three cups. Nippon.com points out that the Shinto wedding as most people know it is relatively recent, popularised after the Crown Prince married in this style in 1900. Shrine ceremonies are usually quiet and short, with a small guest group seated by family side. Follow the lead of the people around you when to stand, bow and sip.
Some couples also hold civil-only or non-religious ceremonies. Registration of a marriage in Japan happens separately at a local government office, so none of these ceremonies is the legal part.
How much. Nippon.com's guide to shugi and koden money gifts says wedding gifts generally range from ¥5,000 to ¥30,000 depending on your relationship, and its wedding guide gives ¥30,000 to ¥50,000 as typical for friends, with relatives giving more. If you're unsure, ask a Japanese friend who knows the couple's circle.
Odd numbers. Amounts that start with an odd number (1, 3, 5) are preferred, because an even amount can be divided, which hints at the couple splitting up. Nippon.com adds that 4 and 9 are avoided because they can be read as "death" and "suffering". If you do want to give ¥20,000, Nippon.com suggests one ¥10,000 note and two ¥5,000 notes, so the number of notes is odd.
New notes. Brand-new, crisp notes are the norm, because new notes are seen as free of impurity. Banks in Japan can exchange notes for new ones; do it a few days ahead.
The envelope. A shugi-bukuro is a folded paper envelope, usually red and white or gold and silver, tied with decorative cords called mizuhiki and often marked with a small noshi in the top right corner. For weddings, choose one tied in a knot that can't be undone (commonly musubi-kiri or awaji-musubi), since a wedding is meant to happen once. Stationery shops and convenience stores in Japan sell them, often labelled for weddings. Write your name on the front below the cords, and the amount on the inner envelope.
How to hand it over. Carry the envelope wrapped in a cloth called a fukusa, in a bright or warm colour for a happy occasion. At the reception desk, unwrap it, turn it so the writing faces the receiver, and offer it with both hands and a short congratulation. You'll usually sign the guest book at the same time.
Japanese weddings lean formal. Nippon.com's guidance for guests:
Women sometimes wear kimono; as a guest from outside Japan you are not expected to. Shrine ceremonies often involve removing shoes or standing on gravel, so choose footwear that's easy to manage.
When you leave the reception you'll usually be handed a bag containing hikidemono, a thank-you gift from the couple, often with sweets. Nippon.com describes the related custom of return gifts whose value is set as a share of what was received. Accept it with thanks; there's no need to open it at the venue.
If you're planning a wedding with guests from more than one culture, our guide to wedding guest etiquette around the world compares gift and dress customs side by side, and why some cultures have multiple wedding ceremonies explains why you may be invited to more than one event.
Nippon.com gives ¥30,000 to ¥50,000 as typical for friends, with relatives usually giving more. Avoid amounts starting with 4 or 9, and even amounts.
A black dress or dark suit is common, but an all-black look with no colour or jewellery can read as funeral wear. Add bright accessories, and never wear white.
In Japan, stationery shops, department stores and convenience stores sell them. Choose one made for weddings, with cords tied in a knot that can't be undone.
A thank-you gift the couple gives each reception guest as they leave, often in a bag with sweets.
Loading Forever Farrah…