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How much goshugi to give at a Japanese wedding, how to prepare the envelope, what to wear, what hikidemono is, and the words and habits guests avoid.
At a Japanese wedding, guests usually give cash (goshugi) rather than a registry gift: an odd-numbered amount in brand-new notes, inside a special envelope called a shugi-bukuro, handed over at the reception desk. Wear formal clothes that avoid white and all-black, arrive on time, avoid words about parting or ending in speeches and cards, and expect to take home a thank-you gift called hikidemono. Customs vary by region and family, so if you're unsure, ask the person who invited you.
A Japanese wedding is often two events. The ceremony itself is usually small, and the reception (hiroen or hirōen) is where most guests come in. According to Nippon.com's guide to Japanese weddings, the ceremony is typically for family and close friends, while friends, acquaintances and colleagues are invited to a banquet that runs two or three hours. Many couples also hold a more casual after-party for friends, the nijikai, later in the evening.
Two ceremony styles are common today, and knowing which you're attending helps you understand what's happening.
How much. Nippon.com's guide to shugi and koden money gifts says wedding gifts generally range from ¥5,000 to ¥30,000 depending on your relationship, and its wedding guide gives ¥30,000 to ¥50,000 as typical for friends, with relatives giving more. If you're unsure, ask a Japanese friend who knows the couple's circle.
Japanese weddings lean formal. Nippon.com's guidance for guests:
When you leave the reception you'll usually be handed a bag containing hikidemono, a thank-you gift from the couple, often with sweets. Nippon.com describes the related custom of return gifts whose value is set as a share of what was received. Accept it with thanks; there's no need to open it at the venue.
Don't use "parting" words in a speech or message card. Nippon.com lists words such as wakare (parting), owari (ending) and kiru (to cut) as ones to avoid, along with repeated words (like "again and again") that could suggest a second marriage. Don't give a sum with a 4 or 9, or used, folded notes. Don't arrive late. Receptions run to a tight timetable in hired venues. Don't bring a registry gift instead of cash unless the couple has asked for that. Don't reply late. Answer the invitation by the date given; the couple needs numbers for the banquet.
Nippon.com gives ¥30,000 to ¥50,000 as typical for friends, with relatives usually giving more. Avoid amounts starting with 4 or 9, and even amounts.
A black dress or dark suit is common, but an all-black look with no colour or jewellery can read as funeral wear. Add bright accessories, and never wear white.
In Japan, stationery shops, department stores and convenience stores sell them. Choose one made for weddings, with cords tied in a knot that can't be undone.
A thank-you gift the couple gives each reception guest as they leave, often in a bag with sweets.
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