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How wedding gift, dress and timing customs differ around the world, from cash envelopes in China, Japan and Korea to money dances, and a table comparing 11 cultures.
Wedding guest etiquette differs most in three places: the gift, the clothes and the timing. In much of East Asia guests give cash in a special envelope, with amounts shaped by lucky and unlucky numbers. In other traditions money is given on the dance floor. Dress rules vary, but not upstaging the couple is close to universal. Customs also vary within every culture by region, faith and family, so treat this guide as a starting point and ask the couple when in doubt.
If there's a single piece of etiquette that holds in almost every culture, it's this: follow the couple's lead. Read the invitation closely, reply by the date given, and if you're not sure what's expected, ask the couple or someone close to them. People are almost always pleased to explain their traditions to a guest who cares enough to ask.
Wedding guest customs in 11 cultures (common practice, not fixed rules): United States, Registry gift or money, sent before or after, None in particular, Follow the invitation's dress code; avoid white; China, Cash in a red envelope (hongbao), New notes; avoid 4; 8 is lucky, Avoid white and all-black; red is often the bride's colour; Japan, Cash (goshugi) in a shugi-bukuro envelope, New notes; odd amounts; avoid 4 and 9, Formal; avoid white and all-black; South Korea, Cash in a white envelope at the reception desk, Amount often reflects closeness to the couple, Smart; avoid white; Vietnam, Cash in an envelope at the reception, Amount reflects closeness, Smart; ask about colours; India (many families), Cash, often in a decorative envelope (shagun), or gifts, Amounts often end in 1, e.g. 101, Bright colours welcome; ask before wearing white or black; Jewish weddings (many families), Money or registry gift, Often multiples of 18, Depends on community; some ask for modest dress; Nigeria (many communities), Money given during dancing, plus gifts, Spraying notes is now restricted by law, Families may choose a shared fabric (aso ebi); Philippines, Gifts, plus money during a money dance, Bills pinned to the couple's clothes, Formal, often barong for men; Greece, Gift or money, plus money during dancing, Money pinned on or given to the couple, Smart; avoid white; Poland, Gift or money, plus money during a dance, Guests pay to dance with the bride, Smart; avoid white.
China. Red envelopes (hongbao) are given at weddings as a way of sharing good luck. Google Arts & Culture's guide to the red envelope explains that the number 4 is avoided because it sounds like the word for death, that 8 is associated with prosperity, and that only clean, crisp notes should go in. How much to give depends on your relationship with the couple, and on local custom, which differs between mainland China, Hong Kong, Taiwan, Singapore and diaspora communities.
In several traditions, guests give money as part of a dance.
Jewish weddings. Many guests give money in multiples of 18, because 18 is the numerical value of the Hebrew word chai, "life". My Jewish Learning and Chabad.org both explain the custom. India. Many families give cash gifts (shagun) in amounts ending in 1, such as 101 or 501, so the gift isn't a round, "finished" number. This is widespread but not universal, and customs differ by region and family.
Across most Western traditions, and many others, the rule is don't upstage the couple. The Emily Post Institute advises guests not to wear white or anything that looks bridal, and to follow the dress code on the invitation.
Timing expectations vary as much as anything. At many Western weddings the ceremony starts close to the stated time, and the Emily Post Institute advises arriving early enough to be seated. Japanese receptions run to a tight timetable. Some multi-day weddings, including many South Asian and West African ones, have events where start times are looser; ask a family member rather than guess. If you're invited to more than one event, see why some cultures have multiple wedding ceremonies.
In the US, the Emily Post Institute's advice on wedding guests and gifts is that a gift can be sent before the wedding or afterwards, and sending it promptly is best. In cultures where cash is given at a reception desk or during a dance, bring it with you on the day.
Couples marrying across cultures often find guests unsure what to do. A short note on your wedding website explaining your customs, such as a money dance, a tea ceremony, or a dress colour to avoid, helps everyone. Forever Farrah includes a guest list and RSVPs and a wedding website you can use for exactly that.
In many cultures cash is the expected gift, including in China, Japan, South Korea and Vietnam, and for many Indian and Jewish families. In the US and UK it's widely accepted too. Follow the couple's lead.
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