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How Japanese Shinto weddings and san-san-kudo work, why chapel weddings became the norm, and what happens at a reception, from goshugi to the nijikai.
A Japanese wedding is usually a small ceremony for close family followed by a larger, carefully planned reception. The traditional ceremony is Shinto, held at a shrine, where the couple share sake from three cups in the san-san-kudo ritual while the bride wears a white kimono. Since the mid-1990s, though, Christian-style chapel ceremonies have been more common, even though few Japanese people are Christian. At the reception guests give cash (goshugi), hear speeches, and take home a gift, and friends often continue at an after-party (nijikai).
Japanese wedding ceremony styles: Shinto (shinzen shiki), A shrine or a hotel's shrine room, Purification, san-san-kudo sake, white kimono; Christian-style chapel, Hotel or wedding-venue chapels, White dress, aisle, hymns, ring exchange; Civil (jinzen shiki), Any venue, A non-religious ceremony with guests as witnesses; Buddhist (butsuzen shiki), A temple, Rarer; prayers and prayer beads.
The Shinto wedding is less ancient than it looks. Before the twentieth century, most Japanese weddings were simple rituals held at home. In May 1900, Crown Prince Yoshihito, later Emperor Taishō, married before the shrine in the Imperial Palace, and shrine weddings spread to the public from there.
At a Shinto ceremony the bride traditionally wears a shiromuku, a pure white kimono, with either a tsunokakushi (a wide white headdress) or a watabōshi (a white hood), as described in the Japanese wedding entry. Many brides change during the reception into an iro-uchikake, a brightly coloured and embroidered robe, and some change again into a Western gown. The groom wears a black crested kimono with striped hakama trousers.
Christian-style ceremonies, held in chapels built into hotels and wedding venues, have been more common than Shinto ceremonies since the mid-1990s, according to the same entry. Only a small share of Japan's population is Christian; the appeal is largely the look, including the white dress, the aisle and the chapel. A study of Japanese chapel weddings in the Japanese Journal of Religious Studies examines this as a form of "nonreligious" religious practice. The officiant is often a foreign minister hired for the occasion.
The reception is the main event for most guests, and it is highly structured.
Guests give goshugi, cash in a decorative envelope, handed in at the reception desk. The Japanese wedding entry notes that close family give about twice as much as friends, and that amounts are chosen to avoid even numbers, which can be divided and so are thought unlucky for a marriage. Use new, crisp notes. Exact amounts vary with the guest's relationship to the couple and region, so ask someone local if unsure.
After the reception, friends often hold a nijikai, a "second party", at a bar or restaurant. It is more casual, guests usually pay a set fee at the door, and people who weren't invited to the reception may be invited to this instead. For more on what follows a ceremony in other cultures, see what happens after a wedding ceremony around the world.
Couples outside Japan often include san-san-kudo, a kimono for part of the day, or a thank-you letter to parents. The detailed seating plan of a Japanese reception carries over well too: Forever Farrah's seating chart lets you place every guest and print the chart for the entrance.
It means "three-three-nine times". The couple take three sips from each of three sake cups, nine sips in all, to seal the marriage at a Shinto ceremony.
No. Christian-style chapel ceremonies have been more common since the mid-1990s, and non-religious ceremonies are growing. Shinto ceremonies remain popular with couples who want a traditional look.
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