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Henna nights, Polterabend, door games, the bedeken and the baraat compared. What families do in the days and hours before the vows, culture by culture.
Before the vows, most cultures hold at least one gathering that prepares the couple and joins the two families. In South Asia and much of the Middle East and North Africa that's a henna night. In Germany it's Polterabend, a night of smashing porcelain. Chinese families play door games on the wedding morning, Jewish couples sign a ketubah and hold a veiling, Yoruba families hold a formal introduction, and in the US the rehearsal dinner is the usual eve-of-wedding meal. Some take place months ahead, some an hour before.
Pre-wedding customs by culture: Henna (mehndi) night, South Asia, Arab and North African countries, Moroccan Jewish families, Usually the night before, Henna designs for the bride, often guests too, with music and food; Polterabend, Germany, Austria, Switzerland, western Poland, Usually the night before, Guests break porcelain; the couple clean up; Introduction, Yoruba and other Nigerian families, Weeks or months before, The families formally meet; Hair-combing and door games, Chinese families, including in Hong Kong, Malaysia and Singapore, The night before and the wedding morning, Blessings for the bride; the groom's party wins entry to her home; Baraat, North India and the diaspora, Just before the ceremony, The groom's procession to the venue; Ketubah signing and bedeken, Jewish weddings, Just before the chuppah, Contract signed, then the groom veils the bride; Rehearsal dinner, United States, The night before, A meal for the wedding party and family.
A henna ceremony is held in Islamic, Hindu and Jewish traditions, among others. It's usually on the last night before the wedding, and it's a party as much as a ritual: music, dancing and food, with the bride's hands and feet decorated. In many traditions the groom and guests get henna too, and in Moroccan Jewish weddings henna runs through several days of celebration.
Polterabend (from poltern, to make a racket) is a German custom also found in Austria, Switzerland and parts of Poland. Guests bring porcelain, pottery, flowerpots, even old tiles, and smash them for luck. Glass and mirrors are usually avoided. The couple then sweep up the shards together, a first lesson in getting through a mess as a team.
In traditional Chinese weddings, a hair-combing ceremony blesses the bride before the procession. On the morning itself, the groom arrives at the bride's family home and her bridesmaids set door games: quizzes about the bride, unpleasant food to eat, songs to perform, and bargaining over red envelopes before he's let in. The tea ceremony often follows; see what happens at a Chinese tea ceremony.
In a Yoruba traditional wedding, the families hold an introduction after the engagement is announced: a formal meeting, usually in a family home, with traditional dress and food. It can take place long before the wedding and settles expectations between the two families, including the list of gifts the groom's side is asked to bring. For what guests wear, see what to wear to a Nigerian wedding.
The baraat is the groom's procession to the venue, traditionally the bride's home, with family and friends dancing and singing around him. Grooms once rode a horse, chariot or elephant; many now arrive in a vintage car. It's the last thing before the ceremony and often the loudest part of the day.
Jewish weddings have two short rites just before the chuppah. The ketubah (marriage contract) is signed before witnesses, and then comes the bedeken: the groom, accompanied by family and friends singing, covers the bride's face with her veil, and she's blessed. Jewish wedding traditions explained for guests walks through the rest.
In the US, the evening before usually brings a rehearsal and then a dinner. Emily Post notes it's customary, but not obligatory, for the groom's family to host; if they don't, the bride's family or the couple can.
If your families come from different traditions, list every pre-wedding event early, with who hosts it and who's invited. Guest lists for a henna night, an introduction or a rehearsal dinner are rarely the same as the wedding list. Forever Farrah lets you track RSVPs separately for each event, which helps when one guest is coming to the mehndi but not the introduction. For blending customs, see how to plan a multicultural wedding and why some cultures have multiple wedding ceremonies.
It depends on the culture: a henna or mehndi night in South Asian and many Middle Eastern and North African families, Polterabend in Germany, and often a rehearsal dinner in the US.
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