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A step-by-step way to build your wedding guest list, from setting a number to sorting names into tiers and splitting places fairly between families.
Build a wedding guest list in four moves: agree on a total number with your partner first, write one unfiltered master list, sort every name into tiers (must invite, should invite, would be nice), then fill places from the top tier down until you hit your number. Decide how places are shared between families before anyone starts adding names. Traditionally each family gets half, but the fairest split is whatever matches who is paying and how big each family really is.
The number comes first because it is set by things outside the list: your budget, your venue and the kind of day you want. Most wedding costs, from catering to chairs to invitations, grow with every guest, so the headcount shapes almost everything else. Our guide to wedding cost per guest shows how quickly that adds up, and wedding budget by guest count works it through by size.
Each of you writes down everyone you'd invite if space and money were no object. Ask each set of parents to do the same. Then merge everything into one list with a row per household, not per person, and columns for:
Tiers turn an emotional debate into a sorting exercise.
The Emily Post Institute notes that each family is traditionally allotted half of the total guest count, with the hosts deciding the overall size. Some couples use a three-way split instead, with a share for each set of parents and a share for the couple's own friends. Neither is a rule. Common approaches:
Once the numbers work, freeze the list and treat any addition as a trade: one in, one out. Avoid a "B list" that you invite as declines arrive. The Emily Post Institute advises inviting everyone at the same time rather than sending invitations in waves.
Starting with names instead of a number. The list always grows to fill the space you don't define. Letting each person add names alone. Agree on shared rules first so nobody is judged case by case. Forgetting partners and children in the count. "Aunt Sue" is often three places. Promising invitations too early. Mentioning the wedding to someone as if they're coming makes cuts much harder later. Sending save-the-dates to maybes. A save-the-date is a promise of an invitation. See when to send save-the-dates and invitations.
As soon as you have a rough budget and before you book a venue, because the number decides which venues fit. The Emily Post Institute's checklist has a master list with addresses done nine to twelve months out.
Traditionally each family gets half. Many couples split it in thirds (couple, each set of parents) or in proportion to who is paying or how big each family is. Agree on the split before anyone writes names down.
No. Emily Post's guidance is that spouses, fiancé(e)s and live-in partners should be invited; plus-ones for single guests are a kindness, not a requirement.
It's better not to. Inviting people in a second wave as declines come in is easy to spot and can hurt. Invite everyone at the same time.
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