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What going to a destination wedding really costs, when to book, what to give as a gift, and the etiquette of accepting, declining and behaving on the trip.
Being a destination wedding guest mostly means planning early: reply quickly, book travel and the room block as soon as you've decided, check your passport, and budget for far more than the flight. You can say no without offending anyone if you decline warmly and promptly. Etiquette advice is that when attending costs a lot, a modest gift is fine, and a couple who say "your presence is your present" usually mean it. Once there, follow the couple's schedule and dress for the setting.
A LendingTree survey of 1,000 US credit card users who had attended or taken part in a wedding in the previous year (conducted in 2018) found guests spent an average of $1,422 on a destination wedding within the US and $2,514 on one abroad, including travel, gifts and personal spending. Prices have risen since, so treat those as a floor, not a forecast. In the same survey, 51% said they had turned down a destination wedding invitation.
Reply by the deadline, even if the answer is no. Destination weddings often have earlier RSVP dates because the couple has to confirm room blocks and numbers with a venue abroad. When wedding RSVPs should be due explains why couples set the dates they do.
The Emily Post Institute's advice on destination wedding gifts is that the obligation to give a gift still stands, but if you're spending a lot to attend, a less expensive or handmade gift is perfectly fine. If the couple say your presence is your present, a further gift is your choice. Emily Post suggests sending it before the wedding or within about a month after the couple return, rather than carrying it in your luggage, which also spares the couple from flying it home. Cash or a registry gift sent online is easiest for everyone.
Declining a destination wedding is common and not rude. Reply early so the couple can plan, keep it warm and brief ("We're so sorry we can't make it to Greece, and we're thrilled for you"), and skip the detailed reasons. Consider sending a card or a small gift and making a plan to celebrate when they're home.
Go to the events you're invited to. Not every guest is invited to everything; don't assume the rehearsal dinner is open. Dress for the setting. Heels sink on sand and catch on cobbles; check the website for dress codes and bring a layer for evenings. Wedding guest etiquette around the world covers customs that change by country. Respect local customs and venues. Religious sites often have dress rules, and some places restrict photography. Don't expect the couple to host every hour. Free time is yours to plan and pay for. Keep the ceremony unplugged if asked. Some couples want phones away during the vows; see unplugged wedding ceremony. Be on time for transport. Shuttles often can't wait for stragglers.
Invitations say exactly who is invited. If your partner or children aren't named, don't bring them and don't ask the couple to change it; a destination venue may have strict capacity. Wedding plus-one etiquette and child-free wedding etiquette go into the details.
Pack an outfit for each event, a day bag, sun protection, comfortable shoes and any medication in your hand luggage. The destination wedding packing list is written for couples but works for guests too, especially the notes on carry-on liquids and documents.
No. Destination weddings ask a lot of guests, and couples expect some to decline. Reply promptly and warmly, and consider a card or gift.
There's no set amount. Emily Post says that if attending is expensive, a less costly or handmade gift is fine, and an extra gift is optional when the couple say your presence is your present.
Usually, yes. Guests normally pay for flights and accommodation, while the couple hosts the wedding events. Some couples cover transfers or a welcome dinner; the wedding website will say.
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