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Who traditionally pays for a wedding in the US, UK, India, China, Japan, Africa and Muslim families, and how couples actually split the bill today.
There is no single answer: it depends on the culture, and on the family. In the old American and British custom, the bride's family paid for the wedding and reception while the groom's side covered the rings, the officiant and the rehearsal dinner. In many other traditions money moves between the families before the wedding instead, as bridewealth, dowry or a mahr, and guests help cover the party with cash gifts. Today, many couples pay for much of it themselves or split it three ways.
Who traditionally pays, by tradition: US and UK (old etiquette), Bride's family pays for the wedding and reception, Groom pays for the rings and honeymoon; Chinese, Varies by family and region, Betrothal gifts from the groom's side, dowry from the bride's side; guests give red envelopes; Japanese, Varies; guests' cash gifts help cover the day, Guests give cash in a special envelope; Many African cultures, Varies by community, Bridewealth from the groom's family to the bride's; Islamic marriage, Varies by family and country, Mahr from the groom to the bride, and it belongs to her; India, Varies widely by community and family, Dowry is illegal under national law.
The etiquette most people in the US and UK have heard of comes from a time when the bride's parents hosted the wedding. According to Emily Post, the bride's family traditionally paid for the engagement party, the wedding and reception and a brunch the next day, while the groom's family paid for the rehearsal dinner, the officiant's fee and the marriage license, and the groom paid for the bride's rings and the honeymoon.
In much of Africa and in many other places, the key payment moves from the groom's family to the bride's. Britannica defines bridewealth as a payment by a groom or his kin to the bride's kin to ratify a marriage, and notes that it is most highly developed in Africa as a way of legitimising a marriage. It is not simply a purchase: it consolidates relations between the families, is a pledge that the bride will be treated well, and recognises her worth to the community.
A dowry runs the other way, from the bride's family to the groom or his family. In traditional Chinese marriage, both happened: the groom's family presented betrothal gifts, and the bride's family answered with a dowry.
In an Islamic marriage, the groom gives the bride a mahr. The Encyclopedia of Religion entry on mahr describes it as an integral part of every Islamic marriage contract, which becomes the bride's own property. It is often split into a part paid at the wedding and a deferred part. It is not a contribution to the party, and it is not paid to her family.
In some cultures, guests' gifts are understood to cover their share of the celebration.
Across cultures, the trend is the same: the old rule is a starting point for a conversation, not a bill. Some practical steps:
In the US and UK, that was the traditional rule, but Emily Post now lists several common alternatives, including the couple paying for everything or splitting it three ways. It depends on the family.
In old American etiquette, the rehearsal dinner, officiant's fee and marriage license, with the groom paying for the rings and honeymoon. In bridewealth cultures, the groom's family makes a payment to the bride's family instead.
Bride price (bridewealth) moves from the groom's side to the bride's family. Dowry moves from the bride's family to the groom's side. Some traditions, including historic Chinese marriage, used both.
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